My Experiences & former relationships

                                                                      
                                                                                                August, 23 - 2024


In general, SM / BDSM is a very important part of my private life and my sexuality.
I was 17 when I found out I was into rougher sex. Even before I realized I was gay at 18. I didn't know S/M or any other terms. I actually had no problem with the fact that I was gay. 
I was never afraid of being gay and therefore different and all the questions and doubts that others apparently often had (and that young gay people probably still have today) never 
occurred to me. A very liberal family environment probably also helped.

I had repeatedly dealt with SM and developed myself further with a few sessions until I met Hans-Joachim when I was 19. He was extremely submissive, very obedient and also a 
bit horny for pain. He really wanted to become my slave. Terms like 24/7 were foreign to me and actually Hans-Joachim wasn't my type either. But I quickly realized that he had a lot 
of experience. I offered to live with him for 2 months and use him as a kind of “experimental subject”. He agreed. We ended up being together for almost 2 years. Then I looked for 
a new master for him with whom he would then live permanently.

After that I lived a “normal” gay life. I went to two of the gay saunas in Frankfurt/Main almost every weekend and had a lot of sex, especially with the American soldiers who were 
still stationed there at the time. After about 3-4 years and a few hundred guys, I turned more to SM / BDSM again. I often went to relevant bars and had sessions with guys I met 
through classified ads. 
Note for the younger guys: Hard to imagine for you, but back then there were no cell phones, smartphones or the Internet.

Then I met Micha. He was a little younger than me, was studying and after the first meeting we realized that we were a great match. And it was great. With him I started to develop
my sadistic side more as he was a real masochist. When I whipped him or slapped him he got really horny and his cock got really hard and it was the best time of my life up to that 
point. We moved in together after about 3 weeks and I had something like 24/7/365 for the first time. After about 3 years he finished his studies. We thought now would be the time 
to be together more, but things turned out differently. At that time there was still compulsory military service and he had to join the German Army. All attempts to get around this 
were unsuccessful. He came to the other end of Germany, in the very north of where the journey took 6-7 hours (one way). Yes, we were young, naive and believed things like jobs 
and careers were very important and that even though we shared a deep and heartfelt love, we would both quickly find something else. From today's perspective, absurd, because 
in my opinion today there is nothing more important than a great relationship.

After that came a vanilla relationship with Matthias that lasted for some time but didn't really make either of us happy.

After that relationship ended, I did a lot of SM/BDSM. Until after about 6 months a master approached me saying that he had found a slave, but since he was still a beginner himself, 
he needed help with his training. I visited both of them for 2 days and then told the master that it was necessary for him to send the slave to me for 3-6 months. Then he did that. 
After 4.5 months I called the master and told him that the training was completed. He came for a few days I explained and showed him how to treat his slave. As far as I know they 
are both still together. This I repeat with 2 other bdsm couples – educate 2 slaves for 2 other master.

Then I met Dragon.
Very submissive, very obedient and a maso. But emotionally he was very cold. Although I later found out that he loved me and felt great affection for me, he was very good at hiding 
these feelings. He was perfect at household chores, whether it was tidying up, cleaning or even doing handicrafts, he was completely absorbed in it. Sexually it took a long time 
until things really worked well between us. That's why I often got sex from other people for the first two years. I also worked as an escort master on the side. Neither was a problem 
for Dragon - on the contrary, he thought it was great that other subs/slaves wanted me.
When he died of cancer it was also very hard for me, even if the feelings back then weren't as deep as with Micha and later with Filiphe.

After I thought I get the right one - Tony. He was from Springfield Massachusetts. A nice, sweet latino. Everything was good. The sex, his serving, etc. But he was much 
to close to his family. Talk via phone and Skype very often and after few weeks he get homesick. A very difficult situation for me. I can pressure him to stay 
with me or let him go back. I let him go. But he is the reason why I expect today that my future guy leave all behind him and start a new life with me.

If the contact with there family and friends from the past is not a problem for our relationship I can accept frequently contacts. But we talking here contact maybe once a week, twice a month - not everyday !

I then only worked as an escort master in bdsm terms, even if I got to know one or two applicants along the way and sometimes tested them.

2011 I met Max from Florida. A nice guy from Costa Rica who lived at this time in Florida. He come over, but was very disappointed. Most what he promised he don´t do. Then
he cheating me with a guy in Bremen (North Germany) he goes to him, but break fast. Now he still living in Bremen. We had still contact via Skype, he told me that he understand
he make mistakes and want to try it again - but all just lies. Even Bremen is 2 1/2 - 3 hours away and I offer him to buy the ticket he find always execuses not to come. Pity.
 

In 2013 I went to Malta. A year later I met a black man who lived in Sweden. After two weeks I noticed that it wasn't a good match and I understood for the first time that it wasn't just 
about being in agreement during sex (that went very well) but also in everyday life, i.e. the non-sexual area.

Then I was very busy building my business and didn't really have much time for private things other than a few sessions, etc.
In 2022 I met Filiphe from Brazil through Fetlife. After a short time I realized that he wasn't one of those wannabes, babblers and faker who contact me often - opposite he was really
serious and we skyped live every day. We really talked about everything - whether it was sex, personal, business, politics, food, etc.
In the last month before he came we also had video calls via WhatsApp several times a day. When he arrived in Malta we felt like we had known each other forever.
A dream came true with Filiphe. It fit just as well sexual and non-sexual. And he was a person who think always so positive like I had never ever met in my life. We had a fantastic 
time together. 
Then came August 16, 2023. He waited for me while I took a quick shower. When I came up I found him lying in the kitchen, barely breathing. It was later discovered that he died 
of sudden cardiac arrest. I couldn't work for 2 months and I had almost no private life for 3 months. Even now, after a year, it is still difficult to think about him and our time together.
It has remember me, that the life is very short and we have to live our life everyday like it will be the last day.

So much for my experiences and relationships so far.

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